Your dad touched me again.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
