Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
