you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
