Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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