it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
