I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
