My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
