we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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