Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
