So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
