I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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