2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
