1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
