my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
