i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
