Your mouth is God's brothel.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
