i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
