Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
