she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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