Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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