Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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