dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
