I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
