do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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