Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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