I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
