he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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