two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
