there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My Sexting was not on an AP level
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
