between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This is the high leading the old right now
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
