1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
