i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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