I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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