i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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