i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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