Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
