How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
