im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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