my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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