bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
