Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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