For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
