***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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