we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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