I think i peed on brittanys purse
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
