i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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