You just made me feel so damn special
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
