Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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