my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
