Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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