Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
