Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
