She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
