That's intense
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
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